| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2009|01:28 am] |
Hi there. It's been a while. I doubt anyone will read this, but I'll post to humor myself. I'm doing well. I'm (semi-desperately) trying to find a job, but not speaking Spanish in Miami makes finding one quite difficult. I'm still with Laura, the girl from Texas, who lives there now. Long distance isn't as bad as it seems, it's actually quite nice. Aside from the basic journal rantings, which I have now covered for the most part, I'd like to talk about, well, myself. The time since high school has changed me, and I am quite happy with the results. I've discovered the immense usefulness of manipulation of emotions, which I used to toy with when I was younger. I might have told some of whoever is bored enough to read this about my experiments with mind over matter. Basically I took those ideas and ran with them. I've learned to handle my emotions on my own terms. It seems quite unbelievable, but I don't really care who believes it, so bite me. Basically, if I don't want to feel a certain emotion, I stop feeling it on purpose. It's odd. This has had quite an impact on how I deal with people in general, since I feel like I understand emotions more in general. Just the same, I have noticed how petty the majority of them are. What has this created? A very openly honest, confident, and content asshole. Unfortunately, as much as some ask for it, being honest to some people is the easiest way to make them hate you. That's also the easiest way to choose who is worth my time. It's actually pretty fun.
On another note, I'd like to spend time with those who give still remember me this summer, or in general. Spending weeks and months on end in Texas has sort of severed a lot of my social ties. But, in all honesty, it's been worth it. She makes me the happiest I've ever been. But, on the other hand, I'd love to see some of you again, and see what the passed few years or so have done for you. If not, well then, screw you too :D. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2008|12:39 pm] |
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Still alive. Randomly checked in on this site for the first time in ages. Cya in a few more ages. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2007|02:11 am] |
It's been a while since you went away. I think about you all the time, still. What can I say? You mean a lot to me. I like to think things would have ended up better if we made a different choice that day. I dream about you sometimes, and all that could have been. I tell some people about you too. I tell them how great you were when you were around. I must sound nuts, talking about you like this, probably a little creepy too. But what do I care? It's your time of year isn't it? You always loved the winter. It gets really lonely now.
I miss you.
You know, after all this time, I still wish it was me. One person died that day, but it still feels like two lives ended. I'll keep my promise though. It's the least I can do for you now, isn't it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|12:41 am] |
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Hi there. I am still alive. I'll post again in 3 months. Later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|10:54 pm] |
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Contrary to what most other people say about this change we're going through, I say it can't happen fast enough. Most of the people who you are sad over saying bye to just aren't worth it. Some are, of course. But, they are few and far between. Then again, those that matter you won't truly say good-bye to. So, in conclusion and with love I say...Good riddance. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2007|06:54 pm] |
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I finally got to talk to who i needed to, and they said what i expected them to say. Damn it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2007|01:02 am] |
This is a public service annoucement. Dear the female gender:
When a guy does something mean to you, just be glad he didn't do what his buddy would have done. It would have been worse.
When a guy does something nice to you, just make sure he understands you appriciate it, or he might just stop, or he may start doing what his buddies tell him to do.
We're not so different ya know?
PS: this doesn't really relate to me, because my life is dull. But a lot of the people I talk to have all kinds of shit going on. And it's a pain in MY ass. Late night phone calls to help a friend I like. Taking on a whole new schedule because you get so many of those calls is something I don't like. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2007|12:03 am] |
I absolutely love the days where i have nothing to do, no one to talk to, and all i can do about is think about all the negative things in my life. I love these days because when i think about such negative things, i notice how much i truly care about whatsoever makes them negative, whether it be the loss of a romantic interest, loss of a friend(s), loss of blood, or loss of a damn key. I notice how much I have to lose, and how much it all means to me. It may be in a bad time, when nothing seems to be going my way, but this is when i realize that hey now, I've got a lot. I think about all the shit I've gone through and all the times i've seen someone look at me and say with their eyes just shut the fuck up joey, you're stupid and i remember how much it stung coming from those people. I remember how much i tresure those people, whether i still talk to them or not, and i feel the sting of that loss as well. And for every sting i am reminded of how much those people mean to me, and how much brighter they make my life. I think of those people who have passed on, and how much they may have changed me and pray to god that they served their purpose on earth before they left, and how they contributed to whatever my purpose may be. And as i ride this roller coaster of emotions, i realize that as i talk about my life, i do so without it even truly being started yet. When I think of how I've gone through so much in so little relative time, I can't help but smile in anticipation of the pains and pleasures i will go through. Life isn't so bad. Who would have thought?
Yeah. It's days like this that truly help me realize that life everything it's cracked up to be, and I can't wait until i question that again, because that is when my life means something. Bring on the lonely nights, it'll just make the days with those who mean so much to me that much more complete. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2007|11:00 pm] |
I might get published again. If it wasn't for the easy money, I'd never let my works be put in some book. Hell, the little story isn't even that good. But apperantly some smart guys in suits think i may be "up and coming." Doubt it. I'm probably gonna list it as anonymous.
What's weird is that whenever i read over something i've written, whether it be a story, essay, lj post, etc, I never read it in my own voice. Nor does it sound like that one voice in your mind that reads words aloud to you when you're reading silently. This voice has more emotion involved in it than i could show to most people, and most of the time it's in parts of what's written that wouldn't normally have a reaction. Odd.
Don't worry about the story, I'm not going to even check what book it's going to. I honestly don't care. Speaking of which, Apathy is the best veil for Misery.
And I'm growing tired of it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2007|11:29 pm] |
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With the picture of my childhood friend on my dresser, the dried blood on my pillow, the delirium from the concussion received last night fading and the pain subsiding in my back, I can't help but be glad that i have these songs that make the nights less lonely and the air not so cold. I can't help but be happy that i know certain people that make putting on a smile seem like less of a chore. And there is no way I can't be happy that tomorrow I go to school. Then back to the hospital with my friend. Then back home. In that bed. On that pillow with my own blood on it. I can only hope that my slumber is as peaceful as the moment where i think of those who matter to me, as this song caresses my senses into the sweet semblance of sleep. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2007|12:19 am] |
I've had a couple bad days as of late.
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Let's go over the definition of a bad day. It's a day wherein unsavory thing(s) happen to a person a group of people to make their daily experiance less enjoyable. There are different kinds of a bad day:
1. The first kind of a bad day are those days where you just shouldn't have gottenout of bed. You fail a test, get in an arguement, or get a really bad papercut. These days are quite common near the end of the year when people stop caring and stress builds. However, this kind of bad day is easy to get accustomed to.
2. Next, you have the days that ruin an entire week or more for you. These days are less common, but as equally easy to run across whilst interacting with someone. Your girl/boyfriend dumps you, you fail an exam, you lose a job. Bad experiances that hurt for now, but are easy to overcome.
3. Now, you have those days where you think you could die at any moment. Whether it be physical or emotional distress, you are shattered. Eating, drinking, staying awake and having fun become more of a chore than usual. Your stomach becomes shaky at every moment. Things become dull. Denial and apathy become your friends.
4. Lastly, there are those days where you become scared that you won't die. I don't think i need to explain these days.
----
In the past few days, i've seen the whole spectrum. And believe it or not, none had anything to do with any sort of romantic relationship! Man, if only. I'm actually used to that.
Anyone got an asprin? I'm all out.
No, i didn't try to OD or anything stupid like that...i'm just out) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|12:25 am] |
I'm odd. I have my proposal spot, wedding location, wife (bad and good parts), number of kids, and my perfect way(s) to die planned out. And more! Only 20-40 years of grey area!
But having all those things planned kind of worries me. Does that make me a woman? If so, anyone know any good surgeons? Or maybe I'm gay. Anyone know any "open-minded" people? Then again, maybe I'm just insane. I hear mental hospitals are cozy.
Take the beginning seriously, the end lightheartedly...please. I don't want any rumors. |
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| o.o |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|06:02 pm] |
Who wants to go to Ultra? I know I do but i don't wanna go alone. I know it's pricy but it looks fun. Any takers?
For those wondering what Ultra is: http://www.ultramusicfestival.com/
It's on March 23 & 24/
I can't pick a day I like, Friday is cheaper, but meh! Friday also requires skippage... :)
Day 1 stand outs for me: The Cure, DJ Tiesto, Junkie XL ♥, Sander Klienburg.
Day 2 stand outs for me: Paul Van Dyk, Benny Benassi, Fatboy Slim, Eric Morillo.
I would go both days, but i doubt i could fork out that much money o.o |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|03:23 pm] |
30 minutes on an epic post. Unsatisfied. Deleted.
10 minutes on a smaller post describing what was said. Unsatisfied. Deleted.
1 minute on what's written below. Days spent thinking about it.
Comfort. Addiction. Sorrow. Longing. Numbness. Envy. Hope.
Seeing Someone in a new light. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
My life in bullets:
School/College:
I really need to start caring more. Wait a minute, what am i saying? If i started caring about the stuff I wouldn't normally care about, i wouldn't be who i am. Tell that to those who set standards. Then you tell them to fuck off. Mediocre for us is stellar for them, whether they will admit it or not.
Relationships:
I found something to care about. Hopefully it works out.
Friends:
I really need to start having more lunches like the one i had today, even if it was nothing special. It was special to me.
Work:
I need to find something i enjoy this much that makes more money, but if not, oh well.
Money:
I have two jobs. I'm set on money.
Something occured to me today, that there is one thing that i can't get a grasp on, no matter the time involved. This thing could haunt me all my life if i don't act on it, hell it has haunted me since the last time i didn't act upon it. Then again, it could haunt me all my life if i do act upon it. This thing could spiral out of control, simmer, or just fade away. This is the only thing in my life that i cannot control or describe my feelings on, and somehow, i believe that this thing might be the difference between my happiness or sadness. Or i could just be jumping the gun. Lets see how it unfolds. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|06:40 pm] |
so, i came here, sat down, wrote a good...say 3 paragraphs about my life atm, what's bugging me atm, why i feel so faded, etc.
but as i read it over i could never bring myself to push that update button. no matter what i felt like i left something out, i felt like 1 more word somewhere, anywhere would make it complete, but alas, i could not find the word. i felt like i was preaching to the choir(still do a little) because we all have our problems, i felt like i was preaching to no one because we're all sick of whiny LJ posts and sometimes secretly skip them. i felt like i could have given those three paragraphs my entire body, mind, and soul and it would still be lacking, but it felt like my soul was being drained from me as i typed it in. and so much more.
those three paragraphs about me were more about me than i thought, how i felt in retrospect is how i feel about everything now. to top it off, i feel like there is so much more i could put in this paltry post of mine now, but i'm just not enough.
as a subnote, i know i've been talking to everyone less, and those of you have noticed and mentioned it...it means a lot. those of you who havn't noticed my absence, well, i havn't noticed yours either. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|06:49 pm] |
so, today in the little orientation my respect for mr. cippriani rose. he showed emotions =O not to mention he acted really fluid when no one was watching him. so he takes his job seriously, after all who else would take a job to change their whole person so that they put up a persona to piss a whole bunch of people off. i wouldn't.
i saw snakes on a plane, i've tried explaining it, i can't...but this ytmnd explains the thoughts on my movie perfectly, and has catchy music ^_^: http://soapsummary.ytmnd.com/, if anyone is curious about the movie. if you dont wanna watch the ytmnd, i'd say just bring a bunch of friends...watch it. its worth it.
i've noticed as i read other people's lj's that i'm falling behind on the little gossip and other little details about people's lives. sorry, but for the most part i really don't care. :) there are exceptions, who of which i am sad that i'm missing out on times where i can help and other things, but meh. been busy.
what would a lj entry be without me bitching about something that is going in my life?
well something is really getting on my mind/nerves. don't feel like getting into it so....
bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.
ahhh. much better. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|01:01 pm] |
this has been one hell of a week, or month for that matter. anyways so i went out to buy my 572685762897 books i need to get (<3 aury for telling me which ones) and only 1 is in stock. hurray. on the upside it was lies my bitch told me, the piece of shit i need to do work from. so i set aside some time to do the work, and then i realize...the assignment paper is nowhere to be found. marvelous, i'm off to a great start. i remember its SOME sort of journal-esque thing. help? ._.
-edit- john told me...i'm starting to wish i hadn't found out now. fuck, as i told him: every fucking chapter is the same "oh this is intresting" for the first 2 pages, and then i want to shoot myself until the chapter is over. now i have to go back and pick at the remains of my sanity which i left in the pages of that book while trying to figure out why the fuck redudancy made this author's wang twitch. it's times like this i just want to slap mrs. graham. she's smart enough to know that we'll wait till the last minute, and she's gonna torture us for it.
i also took at look at our math packet/book, i remember about 1/3 of it. strike two joey. i still havn't found out my IB scores, which i'm actually glad about since i don't need another thing on my mind now, i'm ready to burst as it is.
i have a way of timing of when i need to work exactly when i have something in the back of my mind that wont let me concentrate. un-fucking-believable. meh, i need 1 more day. come on tornado, hurricane, flood, do your worst. i don't think i'm drained enough yet.
btw, kat i JUST got your message you left me on my birthday, thats how fucked my phone is. so thanks ^_^ better late than never? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|03:57 pm] |
i need to start my school work, buy my books, and work on my essay. can someone comment and tell me the books just to make sure i havn't forgotten any?
meh.
btw my phone died a while ago. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2006|03:46 pm] |
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i've missed the rain. |
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